Reflections in the Mirror: Check Your Ego

When faced with crisis, many of us are initially seized with emotions including denial, anger, humiliation…or, in other words bruised egos. It is exceedingly hard, but natural, not to take this most difficult problem as anything but personal. But the reality is we often have excessive need for admiration and affirmation and when things go wrong, as they inevitably will, our bruised egos can get in the way of driving solutions.

We all have egos and even need them for a sense of self-worth; the I, me, self cognizance. But excess is false ego which get us into trouble from time to time by being arrogant, sarcastic, and self praising in search of acceptance by others. This must be dealt with early and quickly by looking into the mirror.

Tips I have found helpful in “getting over it” and moving on to the more important “what to do about it” rather than mire in the “why is this happening to me” include the following:


#1.  Raise your level of humility 

Accept responsibility for mistakes or problems, give positive credit to others, and gracefully offer apologies. I realize and acknowledge that, at times, legal counsel may not allow apologies especially when lawsuits or charges are pending. But it is often the case that an apology can prevent a lawsuit.


#2.  Get rid of the false pretense of ego 

Initiate constructive dialogue for restoring goodwill. Do not wait for another to that the first step and do not be detered if rebuffed at first. During crisis, the whole conversation needs to be development-oriented and not confrontation-oriented displaying ego.


#3.  Do not get carried away by praise

Be gracious and modest in accepting it but understand neither success nor failure are permanent. To use an analogy, the higher you allow yourself to be hoisted up the pole, the further will come the fall. Keep yourself in balance to prevent from being overjoyed in success to depressed in difficulty by raising your consciousness to maintain your self-confidence and not arrogance.


#4.  Check your thoughts

Most of us have a neutral emotional set point, neither overly positive or negative. Some have the extremes or at least many of us experience the extremes at times....

...but it is important to actively force positive thoughts for a number of reasons.

FACT:  It makes you feel better. 
FACT:  Positive, constructive and helpful thoughts restrict ego. 

Think about where you want to be or the outcome you want rather than be stuck in the mess where you are. When others see a positive and realistic outer person, you will also get reinforcement that you are that person on the inside.


#5.  Treat everyone with respect 

Regardless of someone's position, responsibility, culpability, or point of view...respect is paramount.  It is also critical to be cognizant of your body language during times of stress. Facial expressions, hand gestures, even posture sends messages. The time for reflection and holding accountability will come later after solutions are taking hold.


#6.  Shut up and listen

If you never listened before now is the time you have to. Recognize that those who are in constant transmit, especially in crisis, are trying to reinforce their sense of ego to impress participants. It is unproductive.

One of the ways that always helped me in this situtation was to purposely under-react instead of over-reacting. It is not only calming but allows listening to happen. Another way to check your ego to enhance listening is to only ask questions instead of issuing statements.

When challenges mount and seem to overwhelm you, 

take a look in the mirror and check YOUR ego.